


Never Can Say Goodbye

by Tallulah_Rasa



Series: Crossing Streams [5]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Highlander: The Series, House M.D., Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:41:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1967619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tallulah_Rasa/pseuds/Tallulah_Rasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>House's patients generally get better.  Even, sometimes, when they're dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Can Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> And yet _another_ in a series of unrelated crossover ficlets, this one because House had a patient, Marina, who came back from the dead in Season 3, and I figured she couldn't be the only one. The dearly not-so-departed patients (mostly unnamed) from House's case files are Duncan McLeod (and probably Richie) (though possibly Methos) from Highlander:TS, Spike (from Buffy), and Daniel Jackson (from SG-1).

"This was all I could find," Chase said.

House didn't look up from his journal.

"Emergency room. London, 2004. Thirty-six year old male," Chase went on. "Patient presented with...well, death."

"Uh-huh."

"And then got better."

Then, House _did_ look up.

"Another one?" he asked.

Chase shrugged.

"That's not possible. And what do you mean, 'another one'?" Wilson asked, eyes narrowing. "Are you still going on about Marina? Let it go, House."

House ignored him, grabbing the file from Chase's hand.

"You can't -- look, she _lived_ ," Wilson said. " _That's_ what important."

"To you," House said. "And she didn't live. She came back to life."

"Which is...interesting, I'll grant you," Wilson said. "But--"

"But not unprecedented," Chase said. "Not here. Which is kind of interesting in and of itself. I have to wonder, is there something about this part of New Jersey...?"

Cameron came into the office, frowning. "I've checked the records of every hospital in the state," she announced. "It's not a state-wide thing."

Foreman was on her heels. "So you think it has something to do with _House_?" he asked, obviously continuing an argument that had begun some time before.

"Maybe," Chase said seriously, "they don't want their last living memory to involve _him_ , so..." He looked around the room. "No offense."

House thought that over and nodded. "It's possible," he said. "What else?"

Wilson looked from one to the other. "You're going to do a _differential_? On -- wait, how many times has this happened?"

"Marina makes three," Foreman said glumly.

"Four," Cameron corrected.

"Five," House and Chase said together.

"F...five?" Wilson repeated.

"I really should write a journal article," House mused. "But Foreman would just steal it, and..."

"There was the martial artist. The guy with the ponytail," Foreman said. "Workplace accident. Sword right through the heart. DOA."

" _Workplace accident_?" Wilson repeated. "That's--"

"He was doing a demo at a dojo in Princeton. A woman brought him in. Said she saw the whole thing. She was pretty upset. The guy was supposed to be really something -- an amazing martial artist."

"MacLeod," Cameron supplied. "The patient's name was MacLeod."

"Cameron would have done CPR for _days_ ," House told Wilson.

"Might have worked," Chase said. "Apparently he wasn't as DOA as we thought. By all accounts, the guy walked out of the morgue."

"And then a week later," Cameron said to Wilson, "another patient was brought in with a sword through the heart, and --"

" _Two_ of them? How do two people accidentally -- and how did they end up in _Diagnostics_?"

"Well, the first time Cameron happened to be in the ER," Chase said. "The second time, the guy got turfed to House after he, uh, recovered. So House can't actually claim to have brought them back to life."

"Thank goodness," Foreman muttered.

"They checked themselves out AMA," Chase went on. "So they might have had short-lived resurrections. Or whatever. For all we know."

House was writing on the whiteboard, seemingly oblivious.

"That's two," Wilson said.

"The third guy was brought in with no vitals," Foreman said. "White blonde hair, long leather coat. Goth type. Picked up in the middle of the night near a cemetery, if you can believe that."

"So...another DOA?" Wilson asked.

"Not exactly," Foreman said.

"You said no vitals," Wilson said. "That means--"

"They called House," Cameron cut in, "because no one in the ER could find anything wrong with him."

HEARTBEAT? House wrote on the whiteboard.

"Look, I saw the guy," Foreman said. "I checked him out. The man had no heartbeat."

"When I got there," House said, finally turning around, "the patient was sitting up, eating Jello."

"Did _you_ find a heartbeat?" Foreman challenged.

"He checked himself out AMA too, I'm guessing," Wilson said.

"For some reason, he didn't want to stick around and have us do a lot of invasive tests on him," House said. "Maybe he didn't like our food."

"He said he had to get somewhere before dawn," Chase said. He shrugged. "I always thought a near-death experience would make you slow down, stop and smell the--"

"The last guy was the interesting one," House broke in. "No physical anomalies, unlike Marina. Extensive medical records, unlike the sword guys. Too bad _he_ didn't stay in the hospital."

Foreman dismissed this with a wave of his hand. "The archeologist from the Egyptology conference at the university? You're counting _him_? He was a nut job."

"Maybe," Chase said. "But when he was brought in, he was a dead nut job. And a little later, he wasn't."

"He said this was a strange-looking Waffle House," Foreman said. "Trust me, he was still a nut job."

"But no longer dead," Chase said.

"There has to be logical explanation," Wilson said. "Obviously--"

"He tried it, but he didn't like it?" House broke it. "Because I saw him in the ER, and he was really most sincerely dead."

"You're saying a house fell on him?"

"A pyramid," Cameron said. "Or anyway, a stone from a pyramid. Apparently the display wasn't all that steady, and..."

"Patient presented," House said, "with an _extremely_ flat stomach."

"And he...got better?" Wilson asked.

"Some people came to ID him in the morgue," Chase said. "Military types, I think.  From a place called Cheyenne Mountain. And while they were there, yeah, he got better."

"That's--"

"Interesting?" House asked. "That's what I thought, too."  


End file.
